Dear Guys who Hit on Girls they Don't Know

Dear Guys,

Stop saying, "do you have a boyfriend?"

Asking this question is not equivalent to asking "do you want to go out sometime?"

When you ask a girl you just met if she has a boyfriend, you are implying:
1. If she is single, then she will go out with you or she is clearly not a decent human being
2. She is a man's property and cannot think and decide for herself
3. She is attracted to men and in particular, you

Whether or not she has a boyfriend is irrelevant to you. You do not even know her last name. She is not a man's property. Nobody owns her. Have some respect for her as a person, not as another man's woman. She deserves respect whether she is single or not, whether she agrees to go out with you or not.
sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl

To the Health Food Store

Dear health food store,

Maybe no one has told you this, but samples are supposed to get people to buy things based on how they taste. This means it is important to have samples that taste good. When an employee asks me, "do you want to try this gluten free, dairy free, soy free, nut free, sugar free, fat free snack bar that's high in fiber?" I look at it and I am pretty sure they're trying to feed me dog food. Other times it looks like crumbling bits of drywall, dirt clods, or pond water. It smells funny, it looks icky and it tastes as good as it looks. This is not how sampling works! I am sure Costco would be happy to teach you how you should be doing it. Give them a call.

sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl

To My Soon-to-be-ex Roommate's Cat

Dear Cat,

I will miss you. I will miss the way you'd sneak into my room through the laundry room closet in the dead of night to sleep on my face. Never again will I wake up in the middle of the night to the smell of cat butt so close to my nose.

I will miss you rubbing up on my legs. Especially when I wore black slacks. I always thought they'd look better with white cat hair all over them. Or when you somehow broke into the bathroom when the door was locked so you could rub yourself against my legs while I was on the toilet.

I will treasure all the times you jumped up on my lap, sat down and started shamelessly licking yourself.

I liked it when I would be cooking and you'd come sit next to my feet and make that snorting noise.

Goodbye, cat. We have had many memorable moments, you and I.

sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl

To the Strange Couple at my Bus Stop

Dear Strange Couple,

I like your brightly colored hair. I have never met anyone who just has a sheet of chain mail with them at all times. It's cool. Some people carry around yarn and knitting needles, some people carry around long sheets of chain mail they are adding to. I am intrigued by the creative use of bandanas in your outfits. I have never seen one used for that particular purpose. I am curious to know what inspired your tattoo of the word "scum." I should've asked before my bus came.

sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl

To an Unknown Person at my Train Station

Dear Unknown Person,

You dropped your pot leaves. Several of them.

Sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl

To the Woman Behind me at the Self Checkout

Dear Woman Behind Me,

Thank you for being so amused by my shouting at the self checkout machine when it wouldn't take my dollar. If you hadn't been laughing, you probably would've been mad instead.

sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl

To the Person Next to me on the Train Today

Dear Person,

Your fart on the train today was so smelly and so intense that it completely masked my fart. Excellent timing.

sendyouallmylove,
Rangergirl